Jan 2013 VT message

My Eagle Scout

YIPEE, FINALY!!! We are done! We have managed to get Scott's eagle court out of the way!! Yes, I say we. If it wasnt for a nagging pain of a mom, he wouldn't have even cared if he got one. Well I won't be bugging him about it anymore....now we will start bugging him about scholorships and missions!! It was so nice of my family to come up for it. Chad hutchings made a video picture of scotty and all his years in scouting. It was fantastic. He also said some pretty nice things about him too!

My kids got Talent!!!

Well, Surprise surprise!! Yes I got Madison to play the piano a the ward talent show!! She played "Waterfall" by John Schmidt. She loves "The Piano Guys"!  She did awesome.  I think everyone was surprised when she got up to play and they were all shocked to hear how well she plays! When she was finished everyone yelled and clapped for her, I was so happy for her. Scott did a fabulous job as the Emcee for the Talent show. What a voice he has. Its funny though, he has so many different voices and I hear them all. At church he speaks in his deep voice. Sitting next to him while he is singing is quite funny. I'm not sure he know if he should sing, soprano, alto, tenor or base...I hear them all. Its funny and I try hard not to laugh.

NIcholas

Wow, it has been a while since I've posted. I missed talking about Nick's birthday. My baby turned 6!! No way! It doesn't seem that long ago. He loves to play with the puppy we have. what a cutie, I can't imagine life without him. Sometimes Nick is the only one who keeps me going. I understand now, why Heavenly Father sent him to me!! I love him!!

a renewal....

My mother in law called me up the other day and asked me if I would like to go to the temple with her. I tried to find excuses why I couldn't go, but she was not taking no for an answer.I knew I had to go. There has always been an issue with me and the Temple. I have never really felt worthy to go. I have been working on some issues I have and with some help, I remind myself that I am worthy. No one is perfect, we all are here trying to improve ourselves as best as we can. I did have a panic attack. The Temple scares me, I feel like I do everything wrong. This time I had some encouragement and felt like I can do it! I went and we did initiatorys. I did have a peaceful feeling and felt like a renewal, a new beginning.I think I may have a new outlook on going to the Temple.I really needed to be there and to hear those things. It truly was wonderful!

Scott's Eagle Project

I have been bugging Scott all freakin year to get his Eagle project picked out and done. Well we found one, A Bike Rodeo for Columbia Elementary!! IT was a lot of work, but Scott did great. I was impressed that he was able to take command at the Bike Rodeo. I am just so glad that it is done and all the dang paperwork is done and we have 5 days to spare til he is 18!!

My cute Pumpkins!!

I grew two pumpkins this year in my garden!! One pumpkin, (in front of nicholas) was growing on top of the fence! For weeks when it was so little I wondered and wondered how it ever got up there and started to grow. It grew bigger and bigger, finally I said Shawn go get that pumpkin that grew on top of the fence and put it down before it falls and breaks. He finally told me that he was the one who put it on top! When we went to get it, it was stuck. It took alot of pushing to get it off!! Silly Shawn!!

Taking out the garbage............

 So this summer seems to have been quite the rough one for me, at least emotionally. With the news of a couple of loved ones who are going through rough times, it seemed to make me look into my own life and realize that I just can't live like this anymore. There was some "garbage" that I have been keeping and I decided it was time to "clean" it up and take it out!! I have kept these things to myself for so long. I tried several different times with different Bishops to take care of this issue but every time I chickened out. In fact this time I did too, however the 2nd counselor called me at home and told me to come back and like the good little girl I always do as I am told, I did. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Talking about yourself is not as fun and easy as you may think, at least not when you have "garbage" to deal with. It took a couple of visits to very, kind, loving and patient Bishop, but I managed to "rid" myself of a lot of "garbage" I have. I don't even know if "rid" would be the right word. I still have it, but it feels so much lighter and not as stinky! It did feel as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Finally someone who knows and who can help me "clean" it up. Someone who can help me understand it and help me feel better about it. I did feel so sorry for the Bishop whom I decided to unload or dump my garbage on. I guess that's what they are there for right? I must say it took a lot of convincing from the Bishop to go see a counselor or therapist to "heal" myself. Funny thing is, I thought I would go once and be done. Yeah right! Who was I kidding. Going to the therapist has proven to be so beneficial to me. No, it hasn't been easy, No, it hasn't solved all my problems. It has helped so much just to talk about how I am feeling and how I have been looking at things. The therapist really has a way of knowing exactly how I am feeling and what I am thinking. He has helped me to see the ways I've been thinking and how it may not be right. He has helped me to validate things that happened and to realize how young and vulnerable I really was. I blamed myself for things that I didn't even fully understand or had no control over. Although, getting rid of some of the "garbage" seemed to bring up a whole set of different issue I had not ever validated or realized. Still, it has been a very good experience and extremely helpful to me. There are things that still seem so hopeless to me and at times I feel so down. I am realizing that I am in charge of how I feel. If I want to, I can sit and wallow in self pity, or I can feel happy, irritated or angry. I am the one who is in charge. I am the one who decides. I think I have always looked to other people to make me happy. I need to learn to "BE" the one who makes myself happy and to "BE" the one who loves me. How can you expect someone to love you if you don't even know how to yourself? That is what I hope to accomplish and learn, because right now I don't.

Lucky or Blessed?

The other day I just happened to get on facebook at the right time! I saw a contest on FM100. It said like this page and email us for a chance to see "The Piano Guys"!!! Wahoo. I had actually entered the contest weeks prior but didn't win them. Here was another chance. I didn't think much of it because I never win anything! Well, I entered and I won!!! I won two tickets for "The Piano Guys" concert that was playing that night!! Their concert was even being filmed for a PBS special that will air in December!!
Here is the really "Blessed" part of the story. I have been depressed (that's no secret if you follow my blog) I have been walking at night to help clear my thoughts and to help me feel emotionally better. The only music that I would listen to were "The Piano Guys"!! Their music just seemed to calm my spirit and help bring peace. Madison loves The piano guys too! In fact she is the one who told me all about them. She has been practicing the piano so hard to learn to play "Waterfall" by Jon Schmidt. Her therapist just told me to do whatever I can to get her to a Piano Guys concert. I'm thinking, yeah right! I don't have money for that! Hello!!! We were so lucky or blessed to have won these tickets!! The concert was so awesome! I loved it!!! It was at the Red Butte Gardens. I had never been there so I was unprepared for how cold it would be that night. Luckily, Shawn's uncle was there and he gave me a blanket to use! How sweet was that!! It was such an amazing night, one I will never forget!! Thank you!!!
*Sad thing is, we totally saw Steve Sharp Nelson at the opening of City Creek and we didn't even know who he was! That might have been our only chance to see him up close and personal...bummer.

And so it begins..................

And so it begins....the year I have been dreading!!!Oh My!!! I am so not ready for this!!! Help!! This is Scott's last year, yes I said LAST year of high school!! Help! when did this happen?! I feel like he should only be a sophomore or if anything a junior...not a senior!! What am I going to do? Not only is Scott a senior and enjoying his last year of high school, my baby is going to kindergarten!!! Help again! What am I going to do without my little Nicky!!! I love having my kids around me and knowing exactly what is going on. I love making sure that they are safe by my side. This is going to be quite the challenging year for me. I'm going to have to cute loose some of the apron strings I have on both of them. I just hope they both still need their Mommy.

20 years!!

Happy Anniversary!! 20 years!

I asked Shawn if he could see what our life would be like in 20 years would he still marry me......We both had the same awnser. lol

Today

Today feels like a great day to Jump!! I feel as though I am on the edge of a cliff and jumping is looking pretty damn good right now!!..................................but I won't.

ok nobody panic (as if anyone actually reads this blog anyways) I would never do it! Besides, I'm afraid of heights!

Change

I have been depressed lately. It seems as though every aspect of my life is changing. To some, they welcome change, they embrace it and even get excited about it. To me I hate changes. I don't deal with them well. This school year is a big one! Nick will be starting Kindergarten, which I'm not ready for him to leave me, I love having him home with me. Scott will be a senior in High School!! I'm not ready for that either!! My neighbors are moving today and that is really making me sad!! I'm going to miss them, oh you say that you'll still see each other and that you will keep in touch, but you don't. I won't be working at the Preschool this coming year and I didn't realize how much I am going to miss it.  I loved hanging with Miriam and Kim and I loved that kids loved me and get excited to see me. I go walking morning and at night to try and clear my mind and it just doesn't seem to work. I sometimes think how easy it would be to run out in front of a car on 50 west, but I never would.  Hello people, I am not even excited to listen to my Donny music!!!!!! I skip over his songs and just play The Piano Guys!! Now you know there is definitely something wrong there!

Ok seriously, Look how many times I wrote I!! Maybe if I stop thinking about myself all the time and worry about someone else I might forget about my troubles. Then again, I have been worrying about someone close to me so much that it has really made me so sad.

A couple of weeks ago we had a lesson in church from the Bishop about "Being Present". To tell you the truth, I was in a bad mood and didn't understand what he was talking about. I came home to work on the RS email and realized I need a quote or something from his lesson to put in. Well I began researching what it really meant in "Being Present". Lets just say, I had a light bulb moment! I totally got it, I understood what he was talking about. I must be a slow learner! While I have been so sad and worried about things from the past or things going to happen in the future, I'm missing out on my right NOW! Although I'm still sad, I'm a little less sad and worried. I'm trying to enjoy each day as they come. I do not want to miss out on Nick's first year of school or Scott's last year, because I'm sad about. I'm not saying I'm going to embrace change, however I'm going to accept it and be present for it.

PS  I'm starting to listen to a few of my favorite songs from Donny, that's a good sign isn't it?!!!

My crafty Madi!

Madison has been busy, busy, busy!! She is quite the little "Martha Stewart". She loves and I mean LOVES to craft! She came up to me the other day and said she felt like sewing. I said go ahead make whatever you want. about 30 minuets later she gave me a grocery bag keeper she made! It is so adorable and yes, I needed it!! I am tired of storing grocery bags under the sink, now I have an adorable holder!! She also sewed up a pencil case bag, and some cute pillows!! Today she brought home this cute little elephant whistle she made in art!  Nicky loves to blow on the whistle. We have been making cards like crazy, I'm not sure why we are making them yet, we just wanted something to do and it has been fun so we haven't stopped!  Update: Now look what Madi made, a cake for a project for one of her classes.

My Sweet Grandpa

Saturday I said goodbye to my dear sweet Grandpa.  He was always so kind and loving. He was always joking and had a big smile no matter what was ailing him.  When I was 16 he made me a hope chest. (He was a master craftsman)  I have it in my living room now, it is one of my most cherished things I own. I'll never forget how he came and watched me play my flute with the Dixie College symphonic band at Abravenal Hall. Especially knowing next door was the Jazz game going on! A few years ago I gave him a book to write down answers to questions about his life. He actually did it!! My cousin got the book and made copies for all the grandkids. It was so wonderful to get to learn more and more about my Grandpa. He had a very strong testimony of the church and he loved the Gospel. I am so thankful for all the wonderful memories I have of him. He was a great example to me!! I love you Grampy!!!! 

Bear Lake

Over the weekend we went to Bear Lake. Shawn's sister Melissa invited us to go to a cabin that she had for the weekend. The cabin, more like a log house, was way more beautiful than I had imagined! It was huge!! Each family was able to have their own rooms and even the some of the kids had their own rooms. There was a huge Kitchen with cute log tables to eat at. We each took a turn providing a meal for everyone, which made it really nice and less stress! The kids had a lot of fun playing upstairs in the game room. It had a pool table, fuse ball and a TV that was hooked up to the wii. Saturday we went  sledding and everyone had so much fun! Well, that is until Shawn's Mom went down a super steep hill and landed in a sink hole. She twisted her ankle and got a few scrapes and bruises. We spent most of the time in the theater room rocking out to Rockband 2 on the Xbox! We played it so much, that one of the kids came in and said it wasn't that good to be addicted to playing it so much! It was really funny to see Shawn's Dad rockin out!! I didn't know he liked music so much! Shawn's sisters did a great job singing too! Me and Scott went and sat in the hot tub. How fun to sit in a hot tub when there is snow all around! It's fun until, you get out and have to walk in the snow to get back to the house. It was a great weekend just relaxing and visiting with each other, oh yeah and I tried to go shopping, but all the stores were closed for the season. Bummer, I guess it just saved me some money though.

Reading your journal....it's a dangerous thing!

Oh my! The thing about blogging or keeping a journal is that you can go back and read what you have written. That is a dangerous thing!!  I don't know how to describe how I am feeling after reading a few I wrote when I started this blog.  Should I cry and be depressed for all the things I thought would have happened by now, (like our addition and being better off financially) or should I laugh hysterically because I thought that!! A while ago I went through and read my journal that I wrote in when I was a young girl. I was amazed at what I read. I must say, I did not like what I had read. I never thought that I was a depressing person, but after reading my journal, I came away feeling so sorry for that person. Not for what they were going through, but for how depressed they (I) sounded. I must have this need to write when I am feeling down. Note to self; write when you are feeling happy too!!!  I do not want people or who ever if any that read my journal to think that I was a depressed person. The years when I was dating and in college were great! I was so happy and full of life and so close to the spirit, I want to feel that way again!! One good thing, you can look back and see what you have accomplished and what you have taken for granite! I think I will take away from this, is that I should ENJOY what is happening NOW! Its okay to feel depressed or sad, but don't let it take over! Enjoy and appreciate what is good in your life now and look forward to more that will come. yeah, we have had a couple of bad years and we may more to come, but I will try and face it with a positive attitude. Attitude is everything right!!

Really?

Time to tell you something about my cutie husband. He will buy anything someone will try to sell him! We went to St.George for Thanksgiving and while we were there we went to a craft fair. There was a booth there selling weird rock lamps. I quickly passed it and thought to myself those are ugly, who buys that stuff? Well, to my surprise, MY husband bought it! They are actually Rock Salt Lamps from the Himalayans. It is suppose to purify the air quality in the room and he thinks it is suppose to help you sleep better. Really?! That thing lights up the room, I can't sleep at all when he has his precious little lamp is on. Not only did he buy one for our room, but he bought another one for Scott's room. I'm glad Shawn does not go shopping more often!! No more craft fairs for him!