I have been depressed lately. It seems as though every aspect of my life is changing. To some, they welcome change, they embrace it and even get excited about it. To me I hate changes. I don't deal with them well. This school year is a big one! Nick will be starting Kindergarten, which I'm not ready for him to leave me, I love having him home with me. Scott will be a senior in High School!! I'm not ready for that either!! My neighbors are moving today and that is really making me sad!! I'm going to miss them, oh you say that you'll still see each other and that you will keep in touch, but you don't. I won't be working at the Preschool this coming year and I didn't realize how much I am going to miss it. I loved hanging with Miriam and Kim and I loved that kids loved me and get excited to see me. I go walking morning and at night to try and clear my mind and it just doesn't seem to work. I sometimes think how easy it would be to run out in front of a car on 50 west, but I never would. Hello people, I am not even excited to listen to my Donny music!!!!!! I skip over his songs and just play The Piano Guys!! Now you know there is definitely something wrong there!
Ok seriously, Look how many times I wrote I!! Maybe if I stop thinking about myself all the time and worry about someone else I might forget about my troubles. Then again, I have been worrying about someone close to me so much that it has really made me so sad.
A couple of weeks ago we had a lesson in church from the Bishop about "Being Present". To tell you the truth, I was in a bad mood and didn't understand what he was talking about. I came home to work on the RS email and realized I need a quote or something from his lesson to put in. Well I began researching what it really meant in "Being Present". Lets just say, I had a light bulb moment! I totally got it, I understood what he was talking about. I must be a slow learner! While I have been so sad and worried about things from the past or things going to happen in the future, I'm missing out on my right NOW! Although I'm still sad, I'm a little less sad and worried. I'm trying to enjoy each day as they come. I do not want to miss out on Nick's first year of school or Scott's last year, because I'm sad about. I'm not saying I'm going to embrace change, however I'm going to accept it and be present for it.
PS I'm starting to listen to a few of my favorite songs from Donny, that's a good sign isn't it?!!!